Continental Drift
by PenChick
Summary: Every decade, the continents drift back together to have a meeting. Australia decided not to tell the countries what he was up to, and now they're stalking him. Join America, Canada and New Zealand as they collect red shirted brethren, and participate in a nonsensical plot. The continents will never know what hit them.
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer: I don't own it.  
**

**I was going to edit it. Then I didn't. De-anoning from the Kink-Meme. But don't be alarmed, this is kid friendly.  
**

* * *

America was annoyed. He had invited Australia and New Zealand over to hang out for a week, but had been turned down by Australia. It was weird. Australia never turned him down. New Zealand might, but never Australia. Worse he would not say why he would not come. He just became evasive and made up a really lame excuse which America could not be bothered to remember.

It was frustrating, but New Zealand was still coming so maybe he would know something. This week was going to be lame, because without Australia it was just going to be him, New Zealand and Canada hanging out, and they usually tried to ignore him.

Maybe they could stalk Australia!

* * *

When New Zealand and Canada arrived at America's house it was to find utter chaos. There were sticky notes and photographs tacked all over the room. The subject of all of these was one particular southern nation. America had clearly dug deep into himself to pull out the qualities of the conspiracy nut jobs. It was creepy.

Add this to the fact that America had promised to pick them up from the airport, New Zealand was somewhat aggravated. "What the hell is this?! You blew us off to build a shrine to that stupid yobbo?!"

"Guys! Guess what! I've decided what we're doing this week!"

Canada and New Zealand shared a look. With much trepidation Canada looked at America. " What?"

"We're going to stalk Australia!"

They shared another look. This was going to be terribly bad or terribly funny. New Zealand, his anger leaving him, decided to be brave. "Why are we stalking Australia?"

America seemed to get more excited once he was invited to wax lyrical about his fantastical idea. "He's been acting very suspicious lately. Think about it. He got that weird phone call during the APEC meeting. I was listening in and he sounded really tense. " He pointedly ignored their exclamations of outrage at him eavesdropping. "He kept muttering and pacing. He also kept glancing around as if he didn't want anyone to hear or see him. Anyway I asked him about it later and he wouldn't say anything at all. Just that suddenly he couldn't make it this week. Something's up."

New Zealand and Canada shared another look. America had finally cracked it. Canada made the decision then and there to try and stay as out of the way as possible. A truly Herculean feat.

"Why are you getting us involved?"

"C'mon, New Zealand, it'll be fun. Besides, you know Australia better than anyone. Do you know where he is or what he's doing?"

"Listen, you Yank. Just because we're neighbours doesn't mean we tell each other everything."

"Yeah, but... you were staying together in the same hotel. I just thought you might have seen or heard something. That's all."

New Zealand sighed. It was true he had seen something. He thought for a minute. It could be fun to ruin Australia's day... "Well, I did see one thing. He was looking at plane tickets to Europe. I don't know anything beyond that, though."

"That's brilliant. Europe. What could he be doing there?" America was silent for a minute. Suddenly, he gasped. "You don't think he and England are doing something without us, do you?"

Canada sighed. America was still incredibly insecure when it came to England.

"Nah. He usually tells me if he's going to Mum's house. This is something different."

"What do we do, eh?"

"Well, I thought it was obvious. We're going to Europe!" As though to punctuate that exclamation, America pulled out his laptop, and immediately brought up the necessary websites.

Canada groaned. New Zealand kept his face a mask. One way or another, this was going to be interesting.

* * *

**I've been told that the term "Yank" can be offensive. Apparently, this is because not all of you consider yourselves to be "Yanks." Australians and New Zealanders do consider you all to be Yanks. Please don't take offense. You're all now probably wondering why I left it in if I know it's offensive. That's because it's in character. Anyway, see you next time.**


	2. Chapter 2

**Disclaimer: I don't own it.  
**

* * *

America had somehow managed to get the three of them booked on the very next flight to Europe. However, because New Zealand was unsure about where exactly his brother was located on the continent, they had literally chosen the first flight. Which took them to England. America, still in full conspiracy nut mode, took this as a sign.

"England! So this is how you and Australia betray us! We had a whole week of fun stuff planned and suddenly he doesn't want to do it because you invited him over! I see how it is!"

England merely blinked and shut his door. Apparently it was not a good time.

America stood stock still, blinking at the large wooden door. He was about to shove it open again when he felt a hand on his arm. "Allow me, bro."

New Zealand knocked gently, but firmly on the wooden panelling and waited patiently. When England reopened the door, Canada held America back to allow New Zealand to do the talking.

"What do you four want? I raised you to be better than this." It was always Australia, New Zealand and Canada being dragged into something by America.

"Hello, Mum. Sorry to disturb you. It seems that Australia has been acting rather out of character lately, and we were wondering if you had seen him at all. We know he's in Europe somewhere, we're just not sure. We thought we'd ask you first." It was rare for either of the southern-most nations to sound the least bit polite at the best of times, but somehow New Zealand had accomplished it. He had also started England worrying about one of his former-colonies.

"No, I haven't seen him. Is he alright?"

America finally broke free of Canada's grip and burst forward with a lot of noise. "No! He's not alright! He's being mean to me!" He paused. "I mean us! He's doing something without us. He won't even tell us what it is! And it's all your fault! You're meddling in our bro time!"

England sighed. "America. I swear to you, I haven't seen Australia. He must be on the mainland, if he's in Europe. Why don't we duck over and ask around?"

"Yes! A fourth for our quest! You shall be the red shirt!" By this stage Canada and New Zealand were sure that America had completely fallen off the band wagon, and down a long steep cliff.

* * *

Meanwhile in the Netherlands

Australia had just arrived in the city of Amsterdam, Antarctica in tow. Unfortunately, for him, Australia did not notice the nation watching his arrival. They were watched from across the airport as they were met by another person, whom they knew as Europe. As they left the building together, Australia between the two women, the nation who had been watching them frowned. Why was Australia there in the first place, and who were those two girls he had been with?

* * *

The Netherlands was never one to pry into other's business, but Australia was in his country, and he felt he deserved an explanation. He had managed to wrangle the purported purpose of his visit from the now terrified customs officer as being "business." Why would Australia have business in the Netherlands that did not include the Netherlands? Or even if he was not included, why was he not informed? Perhaps New Zealand would know.

Netherlands had always had a soft spot for New Zealand, so much so that he had kept in touch with him on a personal level where Australia had never received a second glance. This being the case, Netherlands had New Zealand's number on his phone. Pulling out said device, he dialled said sheep loving nation, and was surprised when it was answered almost straight away.

"Hello?"

"Ah! New Zealand. How are you? This is Netherlands!" He was trying to sound nonchalant. Of course, this never works, and today was no exception.

"I'm good. Yourself?" It seemed, though, that New Zealand had decided to play along. He seemed to be doing that a lot lately.

"As always. Listen. You wouldn't happen to know what Australia's up to this week, would you?"

There was a pause on the other end of the line, and Netherlands took this opportunity to glance around and make sure no one was listening to his conversation. All clear. Suddenly, New Zealand spoke from the other end.

"Well, he was supposed to be spending the week in America, with America, Canada and myself, but he cancelled last minute, said something had come up. Why?"

What Netherlands was unaware of at that point was that New Zealand had put the conversation on speaker, and now the four stalkers (even if two were reluctant, and one was only looking out for his former colony, not stalking, gentlemen don't stalk other people) were listening with rapt attention to what Netherlands was saying.

"So, you don't know why he's in Amsterdam? Or why he brought an unknown female with him? Or why they were met by another unknown woman?"

"No. I don't. But you said he's in Amsterdam?"

"Yes. Why?"

America took over by stealing the phone away. "Cause he's being totally mysterious, dude. Something's up, and I'm gonna get to the bottom of it! You can be my back-up!"

Netherlands had pulled his phone away from his ear as America's yelling barrelled down the line. In the background he could hear New Zealand yelling at him about it being a new phone and if dared to break it there was going to be hell and something about cricket, rugby and sheep. As the yelling died down, Netherlands heard England's voice on the other end.

"Are you still there? Netherlands?"

Netherlands smirked. "Yes."

"Sorry about that."

"It's ok. I'll help you, but I want answers just as much as you do. He's in my country, and his supposed reason for visiting is "business." I hate to say it, but America's right. Something is up." Netherlands glanced around again. No one had noticed him tucked in a corner having a suspicious conversation on his mobile. Good.

"Alright. We'll go to your place then. Thank-you. Sorry for the imposition." Not that England really sounded all that worried about imposing.

"You have to let me come, though."

England sighed. "I don't think that will be a problem. America seems like he's more than happy to have as many people as possible join." There was a pause, some muffled conversation, and then England came back. "If you'll excuse us, we need to go. See you soon."

* * *

**Sorry for the tardiness in updating. I have two accounts, and I couldn't be bothered to log into this account, in order to post. Yeah, seriously, that's why I didn't update.**


	3. Chapter 3

**Disclaimer: I don't own it.  
**

* * *

"Australia's turned to drugs and prostitutes for comfort! That must be the only reason he would ever go to Netherlands. And under the guise of business at that! That fiend!" America was being… America, in the middle of the airport.

New Zealand rolled his eyes while Canada focused on being invisible. "You're an idiot. He's not that desperate."

England, meanwhile, had been chastising himself about raising his colonies better and why did Australia have to go off the rails?! WHY?!

Surveying the extreme display of idiocy, New Zealand turned to Canada. "Could you get us a flight to Amsterdam? I'll deal with these two."

"Ah. Sure. What will I pay with?"

New Zealand, having already thought of this, handed Canada a slip of paper. "Here. It's all of the Yank's credit card details."

Canada blinked, and decided not to ask.

Once he had wandered off, New Zealand turned to their fearless (idiot) leader, and the honorary red shirt. "Ok, you two. Let's not dwell on why he's there. Right now, we have to focus on getting there so we can confront him about it." Nothing changed. "That's it! If you two don't quit it right now, I'm going to tie you up with number 8 wire, GOT IT?!" That got a reaction.

America glanced at him with a confused look, and England apparently decided that his emo corner was not really worth the trouble of number 8 wire. America then seemed to decide that whatever was confusing was not really important. "Ok, dudes! Let's go! We're off to Hamster Den!"

"It's Amsterdam, you git!" England looked like he was about to start a fight right then and there.

"Wait! Firstly, don't start a fight, you'll get kicked out of the airport. Secondly, Canada has gone to get tickets. Lastly, we can't leave without Canada!"

"Who?"

New Zealand facepalmed.

••••••••

Meanwhile… (Phone Conversation)

"They're having a meeting?! And they didn't tell us?!"

"Yeah. What should we do?"

"Same thing we do every time. Try to take over the world!"

"You have to stop watching 90s cartoons. Seriously."

"Yeah, well. But no, seriously, we'll make sure they acknowledge us as continents this time!"

"I hope so. So, I'll meet you in Europe then? Norway was saying that it's somewhere in Dutch territory."

"I'll meet you there."


	4. Chapter 4

**Disclaimer: I don't own it.  
**

**Mantyke30:** _Ask and ye shall receive! Hope you enjoy the newest installment. _**  
**

* * *

As the four countries landed in Amsterdam, they were met by Netherlands. The first thing America said when they got off the plane was, "Excellent! Now we have two red shirts! That means the away mission will last longer!"

He did not say much on the way to the first aid room after Netherlands punched him.

After he had recovered the now five strong group decided to set up camp at an outdoor café. America's plan was quickly dismissed. New Zealand made a valid point about being the leader because he knew Australia better and therefore, America should be back up. Needless to say, he did not like that much. It was at that point that Netherlands pointed out that a plan was not going to do them much good if they could not find the continental landmass.

Most of them gave him blank looks. New Zealand smirked. Somehow, he knew he should not be enjoying himself this much, but it would be a while before an opportunity like this came up again, if ever, and he was not going pass it up. He let the others stew for a while before bringing their attention to a little known fact about New Zealand. He knew how to track Australia's credit card, and therefore, could find out where he was staying.

"Dude! No way! That's awesome!"

"Why would Australia give you access to his credit card, and how to track it?" England, of course, had to be the voice of reason.

"I wouldn't exactly say he gave it to me, but that's irrelevant! We need to find him!" New Zealand pulled out his smartphone and started searching Australia's charge history. It only took a minute before he found the required information. "Got 'im!"

"Where?!" America was literally millimetres from his face, with England trying to pull him off.

"Bro! Personal space."

"Sorry."

Once America had sat down again, and New Zealand could actually see the other four occupants of the table, he smiled. "Oz is stayin' at De L'Europe Amsterdam."

Netherlands let out a low whistle.

Canada glanced over. "Is it good?"

"Good? It's the best."

America decided to get in his face next. "Where is it? What do you know about it?! Why would Australia stay there? Talk!"

After a firm, and somewhat forceful shove, Netherlands' face was free of idiot American. "It's on the bank of the Amstel River. It has several conference rooms, so the excuse of business is conceivable. It's five star. I don't know why Australia would stay there."

"Hmm. The mystery grows deeper! How do we get to this Day Loorap hotel?!"

They all stared at America. England was the first to look away. "Moving on. He did actually make a decent point, unfortunately. How do we get there?"

Netherlands snapped out of his America induced mind blank. "We either catch a train, then walk. Or drive there."

"Dude, let's drive. I've always wanted to drive in Europe!"

"NO!" Unanimously, they decided that America was not going to drive. Netherlands then proceeded to call my country, my rules, and place himself in the driver's seat.

They were off!

••••••••

**Schiphol International Airport**

"We are so going to show them this time!"

"Of course we are! There's nothing that can stop us this time!" There was a slight pause as the two men continued walking towards the exit. One had white blonde hair and pale skin, whereas the other had black hair and dark brown skin.

Suddenly, the dark-haired man stopped. "You don't know where they're meeting yet, do you?"

The blonde cringed. "No. But I know how we can find out." All he got in response was a raised eyebrow. "Look, you said Australia had to bail on a week with America right?" A nod. "Well, I bet America has been asking questions about it to any and every European country. Plus, we know which country they're in. We just need to find Netherlands. He's bound to know something!"

"What makes you think he'll tell us? None of the countries will talk to us after what Europe did last time. If we were in Asia, Africa or even South America, it might work, but, come on!"

"Well, let's go find him and see, shall we?"


	5. Chapter 5

**Disclaimer: I don't own it.  
**

* * *

As the five countries stepped out of the café, Canada's phone started to ring. He glanced around, anyone who would call him was already there, except…. He glanced at the caller ID. France. Of course.

"Bonjour, Francis."

"Ah! Bonjour, mon petit! 'Ow are you?"

Canada glanced at the others again. For once, they seemed to have remembered that he existed. Cautiously he answered. "I'm good. Yourself?"

"Bon! Tell me, Canada, are you in Amsterdam today?"

Canada froze. This would not end well. "Uh. Yes?"

"Ah! Good. I thought it was you I could see!" With that the Frenchman hung up.

Canada pulled his phone away from his ear and looked at it oddly. England opened his mouth to speak, probably to ask who he had been speaking to on the phone. However, he was unable to say anything because Canada was suddenly tackled by France, who was soon followed by Spain and Prussia.

While France was busy with Canada, Prussia glanced around at the gathered nations. "The awesome me, wishes to know what you all are doing here!"

No one seemed to want to tell him, so New Zealand spoke up. After all, the more the merrier, right? Right. "We're trying to find Australia. He ditched us to hang out here. We don't know why, but he's been spotted with two different women, whom we were unable to recognise." Inwardly, he was smirking. Australia would never know what had hit him.

"Australia is being mysterious? This sounds like a job for the Bad Touch Trio!" France and Prussia cheered at Spain's statement.

Canada glanced around. "I don't know. It might be too many people." Apparently, everyone had decided to ignore him again.

America jumped forward to the group. "You can totally help out! We're going to the Day Loorap hotel. That's where he's staying!"

"Wow! How did you find that out? You're so smart!" Spain seemed to be getting into the spirit of things.

New Zealand smirked. "We tracked his credit card."

Prussia grabbed the smaller nation around the shoulders. "That is awesome. The awesome me is awesomely impressed!"

It was at that moment that they realised that they had been standing there longer than any of them thought.

"Look! There they are!" Everyone looked around. There, across the street, were two men. One had dark skin and black hair, the other was his complete opposite with pale skin and white hair. The nations watched as the two men ran across the road towards them. "You guys! Have you seen Australia? We've been looking everywhere for him!"

New Zealand suddenly found himself faced with a choice. If he told these two where they were going, or gave them any clue whatsoever to finding Australia, he would be disowned. Completely. When you lived at the bottom of the world with only a few others for company, you do not want to get on the bad side of any of them. Especially not the most powerful. If he said anything now, that is exactly what he would be doing. Unfortunately, he stalled for too long.

"Dudes! We're heading there right now! You can come with us!" He seemed to pause. Seemed being the operative in that sentence. "I've never met you guys before, though. I'm The United States of America!"

The two men smiled at him in an indulgent manner. The dark haired man stepped forward to introduce the two of them. "I'm Oceania, and this is Arctic. We're late for a meeting with Australia and the others. They forgot to tell us where it was being held again."

England suddenly froze. That particular phrase had jumped out at him and he knew exactly what was going on. It was time to bale. He shared a look with New Zealand. Clearly the Southern nation had reached the same conclusion. "Ah! How nice to meet you both. Listen, America, New Zealand and I have to go. It's been nice catching up with you and all, but we both have work to do, so we'll see you later!"

New Zealand smiled and nodded. "That's right! I completely forgot about that! Sorry, bro, but I really have to go!"

America chose not to hear them. "It'll only take another hour max, and what are you talking about Zealand? You were going to spend the week with me anyway! Let's go find Australia! We're doing our heroic duty by helping these two out!"

Apparently that was the end of the matter as they were both shoved in the car, followed closely by Canada and Netherlands. France, Prussia and Spain had brought their own car, and offered a lift to the two regions.

Hell was about to break lose.

* * *

**Only one chapter to go after this. I may upload it this arvo, if I don't find something else to do... Hmm.**


	6. Chapter 6

**Disclaimer: I don't own it.  
**

**The last chapter. (Every time I think that, I envision the dodos from Ice Age. The last melon.) I was going to post this last night, but with all the rain and awful weather we've had lately, our wireless kept konking out, so no interwebz. *sigh* **

* * *

Six incredibly bored people sat around the table, some looking almost comatose. The young Asian woman at the front continued speaking in a tone that sounded a little bit vindictive.

"The last proposed requirement for becoming a continent: the name of said landmass must begin and end with the same letter. The application will be given further consideration if said letter is a vowel. All in favour?"

A chorus of ayes followed, and Asia grinned. It was then that a stately African woman stood.

"Thank-you, Asia. I'm sure that these new regulations will make it much easier to sort through applications from potential members. Europe, would you like to do the honours?"

"Of course." With that she dropped a stack of dusty application forms through the paper shredder.

Africa nodded to her. "The next order of business." She glanced at her sheet. "Australia and Antarctica have a report on continental drift."

As she sat down, the two southern continents stood with a flourish. Just as Australia was about to speak, they were interrupted.

•••••••••

Netherlands climbed from the car just as the second car pulled up behind them. "This is it. What now?"

America burst out beside him. "Dude, now we get to confront him!"

Canada stood slightly behind them, while England and New Zealand refused to get out. As the group from the other car came to stand with the other three, America turned back to the car.

"Hey. Are you guys coming or what?"

"No. I think New Zealand and I will just stay here. It's been a while since we've been able to catch up. Have fun." England glanced at Netherlands, who smirked back. Of course he would not be afraid of Europe.

"No way, dude. You have to come; you can have a chat later, after we get Australia back." With that, the two, suddenly reticent, nations were dragged bodily from the car.

After jumping through several security loops, the eight countries and two regions had finally been told where it was they needed to go. Suddenly, it was there, in front of them: the door to the meeting room.

•••••••••••

BANG!

The continents jumped as the door was slammed against the wall. Horror dawned on their faces as two unfortunately familiar figures waltzed in.

"Sorry we're late. We didn't get the memo. But we're here now, so I hope you didn't start without us!" Arctic was grinning from ear to ear.

Europe stood, getting ready to rebuff the two regions when a blur bounced past. "Australia! How dare you ditch us!"

Australia glanced up at New Zealand and Canada from where he had been tackled to the floor. They did not seem all that worried that they had been ditched. However, New Zealand seemed worried about something. Speaking of.

Europe had gone ahead and started yelling at the countries who had tagged along, leaving the two regions to be tag teamed by the America twins. Amidst all the yelling, New Zealand and England tried to slip away. However, Australia had managed to free himself from America in time to catch them. They froze when Australia's hands landed on their shoulders.

"England! New Zealand! You're the ones who led those two here, aren't you?! You're the only ones who know who they both are!" Antarctica had apparently chosen to also have a go at them, cutting in before Australia had a chance.

"No! It wasn't us!" The two island nations were usually quite courageous. However, when faced with one of Australia's continental sisters, even Russia would quake in fear.

Antarctica merely raised an eyebrow at them.

New Zealand decided that he was worth more than America, not that anyone was surprised by that. "It was America. I just went along, 'cause I thought it'd be like last time, when Samoa, Cook Islands and I accidentally crashed your meeting. We'd have a laugh, then leave you to it. But he just kept recruiting people! I swear we tried to talk them out of it when we ran into those two!"

"Talk me out of it? You guys just wanted to bail!" America slurped on his soft drink. No one knew where he had conjured it from.

Canada managed somehow to break away from Europe, and joined them by the door. "I never even wanted to be involved in the first place, eh?"

"Who?"

"I'm Canada."

Africa and Asia, who had largely managed to stay out of the commotion stared in horror. At least, until Asia decided to do something about it. Standing up, she slammed her hands on the table.

"That's it! Australia! Until you can keep your ties to the countries separate from your ties to us, you are no longer welcome at these meetings! All in favour?"

There was a shocked silence while everyone stared at her.

"Aye! He's part of me anyway! I'm totally a continent!"

"Shut-up, Oceania! No one likes you. You're not a continent! Besides, we recently revised the regulations for a continent, and you don't meet any of them. Get out. You too, Arctic." The icy chill to Asia's voice was something so rarely heard that the two regions nodded, and with a quick, "Yes, ma'am," were gone.

Europe smiled. "Excellent. Now, Australia?"

"Aw, c'mon, Europe! If you gave us more than two days' notice, he wouldn't have to cancel all his plans and then alert them all to the fact that something's up." North America put her hand on her hip and slung the other around her twin's shoulders as though to emphasise the point.

"Yeah! We had plans, too, y'know. We're not all friendless, like you!" South America mimicked her sister's actions of a moment previous.

The bad touch trio, Netherlands, England, Canada, America and New Zealand all just stared at the continents. It seemed their meetings were almost worse than the world meetings. Scratch that, they were worse. Did Europe just throw a chair?

Africa stood calmly. "Everyone, I think that is enough for today. We have made some good progress. We will meet back here at 8am sharp. We will begin with Australia, and Antarctica's presentation on Continental Drift. Have a good afternoon."

With those words she left the room, followed quickly by all, except Europe and the America twins.

"Hey, Australia! Now that you're free for the afternoon, why don't we catch a movie?"

"Sounds good to me, bro!"

"Let's go, eh!"

"Only if it's not totally idiotic, old chap."

"I don't have time for such nonsense. You've occupied enough of my time."

"Ah! Mon petit! I'd love to!"

"The awesome me only watches awesome movies!"

"Can we watch one with tomatoes?"

With that the countries walked away, leaving Australia still standing in the hallway. "I get a whole story written about me, but I don't get any lines?! What a rip!"

Back in the conference room, the fourth wall fell on the three arguing continents.

* * *

**So, that's it, maties! A nonsensical adventure in cracky hilarity. Anyway, I hope I made you laugh along the way. And did anyone get the Ouran High reference? I think this one was the only non-verbal reference to another TV show.  
**

**Before I go, thanks everyone for your feedback, both now, and in the future. I appreciate it. Also, if anyone wants to see Australia and Antarctica's presentation on Continental Drift, let me know and I'll throw something together as a sort of omake type thing, as it were. **


End file.
